Lyrics: 21 Things I Don't Want In A Lover

Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover - the flip side of an Alanis song. Bonus points awarded for the inclusion of rare or pedigree cheeses.

Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover
Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover
If you're in this list, don't even bother
You're one of twenty-one things I don't want in a lover

First, start, I don't like dead people, or people who have been dead
I hate people who play racquet sports, they make me see red
People who have long showers - they're so selfish, people who have cats, who are cats, or like the musical "Cats"
In fact, I'm going to have to lump all animals, insects, and fish into one category
Otherwise I'd end up with twenty-one things and still have billions to go

Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover
Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover
If you're Keith Richards or Danny Glover
Then you're one of the things I don't want in a lover

If you've ever been sprung picking up boys in Government cars, allegedly
If you've ever made crap television shows then there'll be two in the family
If you've ever been sprung having sex with your best mate's missus, allegedly
Unless I'm the missus - ha! - which I wouldn't be

I-I-I
I-I-I-I-I
I-I
Haven't written any lyrics for this bit.

I hate Van Halen, there, I said it
"Mission Brown" is not one of my favourites
I once played God in a movie and I didn't like the caterer
People who listen to music while making love, especially if they're wearing headphones
I'm sick of meeting men with rare or pedigree cheese in their pockets

Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover
Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover
I can't get close to you if you're made of lava
Then you're one of twenty-one things I don't want in a lover

I-I-I
I-I-I-I-I
I-I
Liked this bit so much I did it twice

Yeah
Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover
Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover
If you're better than me on a harmonica
If you didn't buy my second album
If you're one of those three members of Tripod
Then you're one of twenty-one things I don't want in a lover